He Was Only Vaguely Vegan
By Michael C. Marino
Is it necessary to be vegan to be a socialist? Probably not, but it can't hurt. I blame David McReynolds for this song's existence; while it is, unfortunately, true that I wrote it, David was the inspiration.
"Only Vaguely Vegan"
Wellllll, he looked kinda skinny
His arms and legs was lean
And he never ate a lamb chop --
He prefers the lima bean.
But he looked kinda dangerous
He looked real tough
He ate rice and beans --
And never got enough!
Arms and legs of plant protein
And chlorophyl-tainted eyes
He liked the vegan taste
And the life style-ized
But one day we caught him cheating
We were all in total shock
There he was eating cheese!
On top of a tofu block!
He was only vaguely vegan
How we tossed and turned!
Only Vaguely Vegan
That's what we learned!
Welllll, he made us kinda worried
To learn he wasn't one of us
So we asked about his diet
And he said, "I'm a Vegan Plus."
"A Vegan Plus?" we asked,
"Now, what do you mean?"
He said he didn't stop
With eating the lima bean
He said he once ate chicken
And he sometimes ate fish
We said, "Hold on, stop!
That's NOT a vegan dish!"
Says he, "I don't like fat,
'Cuz it goes straight to my waist;
I stay slim eating vegans
Plus, I like how they taste!"
He was only vaguely vegan
We mean, in a cannibal way.
Only Vaguely Vegan:
He eats vegans every day!
[mandatory guitar solo]
[passes the mic to Melvin]